I realized that even when I was 30 pounds lighter, I was never "satisfied" with my body. Maybe I get too brainwashed by all my involvement in fashion and blogs. But after three weeks of working on my body, I started getting too strict with myself, and rather than feeling encouraged, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged.
This is not me giving up. This is me, taking a little break and prioritizing my time (workouts are a little low on that list right now). I'm still working on myself--my personal development is a little more important than my physical development. And that's okay. Everyone talks about balance, and living a balanced life, but when does that EVER happen? Life is about seasons and moments--for me, it's about passion. My life is out of balance right now because I'm so in love with Q and Aurora. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm going to revel in it until the next season comes. Maybe the next season will include intense daily workouts, but right now, it's just not in the cards.
As of Sunday, I will be working two jobs, on top of Miskabelle (and the launch of Miskabelly, THIS WEEKEND!). I have a million things to do to change my name, driver's license, address, insurance, etc. now that I'm back living in Virginia. We are having our wedding celebration in a little over a month, and I'm way behind in the planning process. Last night, I started to freak out--I felt the weight of the world and it was crushing me.
Remember how I talked about giving my body grace? Well, I need to learn how to give myself grace too. I am a great mom. I am doing everything I can to be able to stay at home with Aurora, even though I don't love what I'm doing right now all the time. I have been blessed to find these opportunities to work from home. We're blessed to be able to keep working with Miskabelle and Miskabelly. I'm blessed to be spending the rest of my life with the most amazing man and father I have ever met. I am blessed to be healthy and happy.
Rora sharing her teething cookie w/ Daddy
Yes, I'm happy. My life is not perfect. My body is definitely not perfect. But I am happy.
I'm still wanting to get in better shape for the wedding party, so I can feel my best. I still want to make healthy choices. I just have to fit these things in when I can. I'm remembering this idea that I heard in a sermon once at church--about giving up the good things to make room for the best things. I am surrounding myself with the best things right now.
Back to some me-time now as Aurora naps. Excitedly awaiting Jayme's 22 week blog this evening!
Thanks for your encouragement about the body challenge--I hope I'm equally able to encourage all of you. Live your life a little out of balance--that's where real joy comes from.
me, with my little lovebug in Cape May-Manda