It's been a rough week here...between busyness and stress and a plethora of other things, I felt like I was in the worst mood. Every time I felt like I got somewhere, there was another obstacle. As Q said after getting a surprise bill in the mail one night: "And the hits keep comin'!" Just one of those weeks...
Ray LaMontagne sings, in one of our favorite songs (Empty): "I never learned to count my blessings/I choose instead to dwell in my disasters." That is so true of me. I know that gratefulness is an important part of happiness, and yet I can't help the but's: I love my daughter but...I wish we could find a regular babysitter. I am so glad I have this new job but...I wish I could work more hours. I'm so thankful for my husband's job but...I wish he could get home earlier. On and on.
My friend, Katie, and I are always talking about how it sucks to be an adult. Sometimes it really, really does. The weight of the responsibilities is enough to drive you crazy. It makes you miss being a child, when all you worried about in the summer was who you were going to play with and if you were giong to get to the pool.
Aurora gives me a taste of that childhood lightness every day. She laughs so easily. She loves so openly. She is entertained by the tiniest things. Yesterday, it was a balloon:
Q brought this balloon home after Aurora lost a balloon she'd gotten the day before (it was also for my stepdaughter Emma's birthday!). Look at that smile! She literally played with that balloon for half an hour straight. Sometimes I let myself get too carried away, imagining her growing up and learning about all the ills of the world, experiencing her own hardships, and it makes me beyond sad. I am prone to overthinking things and thinking about the future way. too. much. This morning, I'm making an effort to be more like Aurora. I'm taking these quiet moments, while she's napping, to write this post and remind myself of all the things I'm grateful for PERIOD. In this moment. Right now. No but's.
I have an incredible husband. 3 beautiful daughters. A supportive, loving family (and in-laws!). A job that pays (most of) my bills. I have some wonderful friends. I am healthy. The good in my life outweighs the bad. Life is not perfect (and it never will be!), so I'm choosing gratefulness. I'm taking pleasure in the little things this morning: my cup of coffee (w/ soy creamer!), a sweet good morning text from Q, a vintage sale to a friend, the thought of last night's birthday party leftover awaiting me at lunchtime, the fact that it is Friday and we have the girls with us this weekend...
It's all so very good.