Q had been a long time friend who came back into my life when I had hit rock bottom: three months after finalizing my divorce from my HS sweetheart, I found out I was pregnant. At the time, I wasn't in a serious relationship. I had broken up with the person who is Aurora's bio-dad because I knew he wasn't right for me, and we were not a good match. I had just finished graduate school and was looking for a job. My living space was in turmoil, and I had no idea what to do. No, I wasn't 16, I was 27, but it was just as scary. I came to the conclusion that I would have to move back home and figure everything out. It was an extremely difficult and sad decision.
I sent an email out from the place I worked, letting them know there would be a new office manager (but not what was going on)--when Q got the email, he sent me an email to check in and see where I was going. I told him about the pregnancy, my lack of insurance and job, the potential move, etc. The first thing he emailed back to me was this:
Wow -- that's awesome. I know a few things about children, and people, and I'm telling you: you're going to be a great Mom. As for the logistics, and the "terrified," I have a big bear hug for you. Let me know when you want to collect.
We set a date to meet for breakfast, and decided to meet up for the next few weeks, just to keep in touch (and keep me sane). There were no romantic feelings at this point--Q had just come out of a very difficult relationship, and was also divorced. Also: Q is 15 years older than me with two teenage daughters from his first marriage. A more unlikely couple to the outside world there never was...
|New Year's Eve, 2009|
But something began to happen. Q started taking care of me in ways I didn't know I needed to be cared for. He was there when a lot of other people weren't. He didn't pressure himself on me; in fact, he was just this quiet, calming presence. One night, he texted me to check outside my door: I had two bags of groceries waiting for me. I hadn't been able to go out because I was having such bad nausea/fatigue in the first trimester. When I saw the groceries on my doorstep, I just cried. Even more incredible was that he chose all of things I love--and I never told him. It was like he read my mind! For me, that was a turning point where I started to wonder and question what was happening. But with so much other life upheavals going on, the idea of a new relationship (and such a nontraditional one!) didn't seem in the cards.
But God had other plans. And I don't say that as a cliche: we really felt like we were not in control of what was happening. Even though I was moving 4 hours away, was pregnant, was much younger, we had faith that we were meant to be together. Even when our families were extremely against the relationship (which, to the outside, seemed like the worst idea ever), we had this quiet confidence that everything would work out. There were ups and downs, and a long distance relationship that had its hardships, but things did work out. Not without a lot of crying, hurting, praying, questioning and doubting, but also not without an abundance of thankfulness and joy (and lots and lots of love letters, text messages, and gchats!).
|Q's proposal! The waitress captured the whole thing. (Aurora is in my belly!)|
|Q and Aurora|
Q loved me first, with such great passion and devotion. And he loved Aurora before she was born by loving me. I can't imagine life without him, and I can't imagine a better father to my daughter. We--his girls--are so very blessed.
As far as anyone is concerned, Q is Aurora's dad. He loves her like she is his own, and I think that's because, in his mind (and mine), she is. I know that as Aurora gets older, she will have questions and she will want to know about her bio-dad. I know that will be hard, but I also don't doubt that she will feel confident in the Love that Q has for her, that she won't feel abandoned, that she will feel even more special because she was chosen for a place in this very special, very grateful family.
Happy Father's Day to all the Dads--especially to my husband, the best one there is! (In my very humble opinion.)