{Lyla} 5 months old.

On this date 5 months ago, Lyla was born.  I recently read somewhere "the days are long but the years are short."  That pretty much sums it up.  Lyla consumes my time 24 hours a day--but it's by my choice.  She really captivates me...especially now that her personality has developed so much.  I don't want to miss one smile, one laugh, one coo (this also means I witness every dirty diaper, every screaming fit, every sleepless night).  This past month Lyla's nightly sleep habits have gotten worse (last night for example, she went to bed at 10, was awake at 12:15 and didn't fall back asleep until 4:30....yikes), but her day time persona has become SO much more easy going.  She plays independently on her play mat, will sit on my lap and let me read a book to her and even has spent some time time in her little swing (gasp!).  Oh, and did I mention she gets cuter each day?  Here are the photos to prove it:

Still daddy's girl.  She smiles so big when she sees him come in the door from work!

She loooves being in her crib...to play.  She watches her mobile and scoots around till she's turned 180 degrees from the direction we lay her down!  Still no sleep has taken place here....

She's been spending time in her Bumbo chair!  I can't get over how hilarious she looks sitting in it.  

I love dressing Lyla in little summer outfits so her little rolls can be exposed!  Her hair is slowing disappearing, except for the small patch in the front which has gotten really long.  So she's been wearing a lot more hair accessories.

We gave Lyla her first taste of rice cereal.  I know most people wait till six months, but it was a desperate attempt to see if it would help improve her sleep habits at night.  We've only given it to her 3 days now (and she does so great eating it!  she's a natural...) and I'm not sure we'll continue because I feel like she's even MORE active in the evening once she's eaten the cereal.

So there she is.  My 5 MONTH OLD.  I have moments of "she's growing up toooo fast!" but honestly she just gets better with age--more cute, more fun, more pleasant--so I really can't complain.

xo

Jayme

Sleep.

Lyla has come leaps and bounds behavior-wise since she was born (almost 5 months ago!!).  The one thing we are still struggling a bit with is sleep.  She's always been pretty decent at sleeping during the night (she usually wakes a couple times and I can nurse her back to sleep within 15 minutes....knock on wood!).  Day time naps usually consist of two or three half hour to one and a half hour snoozes.  But what I must admit is that we were generously given a beautiful brand new crib in which Lyla has yet to sleep a wink.  At night she sleeps in our bed with us and her day time naps are done so in my arms.  She could be passed out cold and within seconds of leaving my arms she startles herself awake.  It can be frustrating.  I get stuck under her for hours a day. I sit and think of all the things I could be getting done if she would just let me put her down.  But secretly I can't help but revel in the fact that she wants me so close to her all the time.  That she can rest so peacefully with the assurance that when she opens her eyes she will see my face.  I know it won't always be that way, so I'm taking it slow.  I'll put her down when she's ready.  Those dirty dishes in the sink can wait.

Hope you all have a relaxing weekend!

xo
Jayme

Reflections on Moms and Identity

I wouldn’t trade my little Aurora for the world, but there are things about pre-baby life I really miss.  At the top of the list?  Being able to pick up and go anywhere at any time.  During the day, I can go almost anywhere I please, but it has to happen between naps/feedings and it’s a little more complicated getting all of the gear together (stroller, diapers and wipes, sippy cup, snacks, etc.).  It takes a little planning. As for going out in the evenings—that’s pretty much never.  Aurora is in bed between 7 and 7:30.  I can’t just meet a friend for a drink or go to an impromptu show at a club or go out dancing.  I need an advanced plan (and a babysitter).

I hear those parents that say, “I live for my kids,” and while I can appreciate the sentiment (that’s most likely hyperbole), I think that we can’t give our kids our best if we aren’t giving ourselves our best first.  You can’t run the car without fuel, you know what I’m saying?  We get tricked into thinking we’re selfish if we read two bedtime stories instead of five, just so we can have some extra time with our spouse (or a good book…or a bath) in the evening.

Right before I found out I was pregnant with Aurora, I made an inspiration board for myself.  I still had it hidden in my desk, so I pulled it out to share.

 I realize it's just a glorified collage, but it helped me to daily visualize the things I wanted and to remind me daily that I needed to pursue my passions.

At the time I made this, I was focused on pursuing music and writing.  I had also just gone through a divorce and found myself dating people who were really bad for me (mostly musicians).  My inspiration board reminded me of the qualities I had to have in a person to make them a true part of my life. "Reject Apathy" became my new motto.  I didn't want to do things or be in relationships if my heart wasn't in them.  At the center of it all:  Faith. Hope. Love. I really wanted those things to be the center of my life (easier said than done).  And I wrote in two of my favorite quotes by Rilke and Virginia Woolf (from  To The Lighthouse:  "And then she said to herself, brandishing her sword at Life, Nonsense.").

Some parts of it have changed—some parts have been fulfilled—and some parts I’m still waiting on. I think sometime in the next few weeks I’d like to make a new personal inspiration board for myself.

Mamas, who wants to join me?

xo
Amanda

Is that ME? (Part 2)

It's no secret that motherhood changes you.  Aurora has completely turned my world around.  I want to be a better person for her. I want her to have someone to look up to.

It's also no secret to anyone in my life that I went through a rough patch where I was trying to "figure out who I am," and this included: getting a divorce, dating a string of people who were really unkind to me, going out a LOT, getting my lip pierced, trying to be in a band (yeah, I know), and allowing people to use me and my talents just because I was afraid of being alone. Phew. Yikes.

Then, I got pregnant.  And I fell in love with Q.  (Yes, in that order.)  And since then, nothing has been the same--and nothing will be again.  I am secure in who I am, as a mom, wife, and woman.  I know I'm funny, fun, creative, and talented, and I only open my heart to people who want to know me without strings attached. I've become a good judge of character upon first meeting someone.

I've gained a few pounds from pregnancy and stress, changed hairstyles a few times, taken out my lip ring, and evolved my style just a bit (admittedly mostly due to the weight gain/body change--dressing curves can be a challenge!).  I feel peaceful in the midst of a very chaotic life. And I'm so thankful.

I still have three tattoos, and am planning at least two more...and sometimes I miss the lip ring because it made me feel badass and invincible...but then I realize how much more badass and invincible I feel being a mother.

xo,
Manda

Mama Moment #3: Out of Balance.

I am fully aware that it's been two weeks since I did a Post-Baby Body Challenge blog.  Last week I was on vacation, and this week...I need to press pause.

I realized that even when I was 30 pounds lighter, I was never "satisfied" with my body.  Maybe I get too brainwashed by all my involvement in fashion and blogs.  But after three weeks of working on my body, I started getting too strict with myself, and rather than feeling encouraged, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged.

This is not me giving up.  This is me, taking a little break and prioritizing my time (workouts are a little low on that list right now). I'm still working on myself--my personal development is a little more important than my physical development.  And that's okay.  Everyone talks about balance, and living a balanced life, but when does that EVER happen?  Life is about seasons and moments--for me, it's about passion.  My life is out of balance right now because I'm so in love with Q and Aurora.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I'm going to revel in it until the next season comes.  Maybe the next season will include intense daily workouts, but right now, it's just not in the cards.

As of Sunday, I will be working two jobs, on top of Miskabelle (and the launch of Miskabelly, THIS WEEKEND!).  I have a million things to do to change my name, driver's license, address, insurance, etc. now that I'm back living in Virginia.  We are having our wedding celebration in a little over a month, and I'm way behind in the planning process.  Last night, I started to freak out--I felt the weight of the world and it was crushing me.

Remember how I talked about giving my body grace?  Well, I need to learn how to give myself grace too.  I am a great mom. I am doing everything I can to be able to stay at home with Aurora, even though I don't love what I'm doing right now all the time.  I have been blessed to find these opportunities to work from home.  We're blessed to be able to keep working with Miskabelle and Miskabelly. I'm blessed to be spending the rest of my life with the most amazing man and father I have ever met.  I am blessed to be healthy and happy.

 Rora sharing her teething cookie w/ Daddy

Yes, I'm happy.  My life is not perfect.  My body is definitely not perfect.  But I am happy.

I'm still wanting to get in better shape for the wedding party, so I can feel my best.  I still want to make healthy choices.  I just have to fit these things in when I can.  I'm remembering this idea that I heard in a sermon once at church--about giving up the good things to make room for the best things.  I am surrounding myself with the best things right now.

Back to some me-time now as Aurora naps.  Excitedly awaiting Jayme's 22 week blog this evening!

Thanks for your encouragement about the body challenge--I hope I'm equally able to encourage all of you.  Live your life a little out of balance--that's where real joy comes from.

me, with my little lovebug in Cape May

-Manda