The Post About [Lack of] Sleep

My husband and I sleep with our feet touching.  It is all that is left of our “perfect spoon”—the position we would curl up in each night when we would lay down to sleep, ceiling fan whirling, blinds pulled tight.  The position we would sleep in for afternoon naps, windows open, breeze blowing in.   All we have now are those toes touching.  The spoon is gone.  The naps are gone.  The sleep is gone.

It’s not all bad.  I mean, the divider between us when we lay down in bed just happens to be the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen.  She is the sweetest little thing.  But she HATES sleep.

Lyla is now 8 months old and still in our bed (I hadn’t even planned on being a co-sleeping family) and has been waking every two hours since month four (she never was a great sleeper, but we used to at least get 4 hour stretches out of her).  I have grown a bit attached to having her sleep beside me.  On the [rare] nights we lay her in bed before we ourselves lay down for the night, I sit in the living room watching TV, longing to go curl up beside my girl--to put my hand on her belly and feel her breathing.  But two hours after lying down she awakes, rolls on her belly and crawls on top of me, looking to nurse.  Sounds kind of cute, doesn’t it?  Sometimes it is.  But lately by the second wake-up I find myself seething.  I am so frustrated that I can’t even see straight.  Muffled curse words spew from my clenched jaw.  I lift up Lyla and hand her to her daddy for fear that I might squeeze her just a little too tight.  I immediately feel remorse for being so impatient with her.  “She’s a baby,” I tell myself, “She doesn’t know any better.”  But there’s just something about being woken up in the middle of the night that puts you in a different mindset.  Personally, it makes me a crazy person.  In the morning I'm fine.  Lyla is an angel and the horrible night before is a long lost memory.  But the night....

Something has got to change.  So far our efforts have been in vain. We tried techniques from “The No-Cry Sleep Solution.”  We tried crying it out.  This past weekend I tried to wean her from nighttime nursing and gave in on the second night. I feel like Lyla’s sleep has gotten worse with each attempt to make it better.  She is a willful little baby.  So should I just keep following her cues (at the sake of me and Andrew’s sanity…and intimacy)?  Or am I being a ‘softy’ and I need to work harder at sleep training?  My sleep-deprived brain can’t think properly—am I missing something obvious?

xo

Jayme

Lately...

Lately there are days that I feel silly for ever posting this piece about high maintenance babies.  It seems that the more independent Lyla becomes, the happier she is.  Barrel rolling across the living room led to scooting around to reach her toys which led to crawling to other rooms in the house and now pulling herself up to stand and lean against furniture (or to reach off-limit items such as the remote control, DVD player, my shelf full of cookbooks...).

She pulls herself up on anything at arms height...

She giggles with delight as she crawls full speed towards an object that catches her eye across the room.  She shrieks with joy when she finally gets her sticky baby hands on said object.  She certainly keeps me on my toes, but high maintenance?  Not really... 

Playing with a bookmark she pulled out of one of my cookbooks...naughty baby.

But then come the hard times.  Naps still spent in my arms (I'm telling you--she barely touches the bed and her eyes instantly pop open) and nights spent waking every 2 hours on the dot to nurse.  Her knack at getting her way is also now reflected in her newfound independence.  She crawls (or should I say claws...) up my leg and onto my lap when she wants to be held.  Oh, and did I mention she now says "Mama"?  Gets me every time.

Oh, that face!  Who could say no to that face??

The other night Lyla was awake from 12 a.m. to 4 a.m.  My frustration escalated the longer we were awake.  I finally laid her in her crib (we co-sleep, so normally she's in bed with us) and let her cry.  "We're not having any more babies" I proclaimed.  But we finally got her to sleep (snuggled next to me in bed of course) and I woke up to a smiling little lady.  It's funny how that sweet morning baby makes the evil nighttime baby seem totally worth it.

So that's how things are around here lately.

xo
Jayme

Sleep.

Lyla has come leaps and bounds behavior-wise since she was born (almost 5 months ago!!).  The one thing we are still struggling a bit with is sleep.  She's always been pretty decent at sleeping during the night (she usually wakes a couple times and I can nurse her back to sleep within 15 minutes....knock on wood!).  Day time naps usually consist of two or three half hour to one and a half hour snoozes.  But what I must admit is that we were generously given a beautiful brand new crib in which Lyla has yet to sleep a wink.  At night she sleeps in our bed with us and her day time naps are done so in my arms.  She could be passed out cold and within seconds of leaving my arms she startles herself awake.  It can be frustrating.  I get stuck under her for hours a day. I sit and think of all the things I could be getting done if she would just let me put her down.  But secretly I can't help but revel in the fact that she wants me so close to her all the time.  That she can rest so peacefully with the assurance that when she opens her eyes she will see my face.  I know it won't always be that way, so I'm taking it slow.  I'll put her down when she's ready.  Those dirty dishes in the sink can wait.

Hope you all have a relaxing weekend!

xo
Jayme